Wednesday, 12 June 2013

When wait-staff attack!

A new phrase has entered the vernacular at work in recent weeks. It all started one busy Saturday lunch shift a few weeks ago. To indicate "order up" to the wait staff, the chefs ring a bell. Some days when it's busy, that bell drives me crazy. This particular day, one of the chefs had decided that triple ringing the bell would be the most effective way to get the staff to respond instantaneously. Instead, all he was succeeding in doing was sending me around the bend.

After asking him a few times to just ring once, he did the tri-ring again. I stormed from the bar over to the pass. "If you triple ring that bell one more time, I'm going to punch you in the face." I was only 25% joking.
He looked over the pass with a cheeky little grin and replied, "You wouldn't punch me in the face, I'm too cute." I gave him my crazy eyes and said, "The mood I'm in right now, I'd punch a baby in the face!"

Of course, everyone in hearing distance cracked up laughing, and so was born the first edition of this month's "Most over used phrase". It has now evolved to include variations such as "I'm baby punchin' mad", "Don't force me to find a baby to punch" and "lucky for you you're not a baby".

Interestingly, for now at least, it has proven to be an extremely effective way to diffuse almost any amount of stress or tension. As soon as someone brings out one of the baby related retorts, nobody seems to be able to stay cranky.

Nobody made me baby punchin' mad today, so I chalk that up as a great day.

***Disclaimer: I'm almost 100% sure nobody I work with would actually punch a baby in the face, but just in case, it may be safer to only bring yours with you if it's very quietly sleeping so it does not draw attention to itself.***


  1. Another Coffee snorter !! Love that pic :) Thanks Baby-Girl.
    For the record, I was definitely baby-punchin-mad the other day when this repulsive old German tourist came out from INSIDE the cafe, marched up to my table, OUTSIDE the cafe and demanded: "Would you just go somewhere else. Your cigarette is offending me and you stink!" To which I replied: " I am as far outside as I can get without standing in the pouring rain. Had you asked me with even a modicum of politeness and civility, I would gladly have put my cigarette out, but since you are obviously no more than a rude pig, I'm just going to sit here and enjoy it. Perhaps you could pretend to be a gentleman and move further into the cafe." At this point he stormed back inside, threw some money at the poor girl standing at the register (it fell on the floor) and leaving his half finished beer on the table (btw it was about 11am.. but I'm not passing judgement..) walked back to me and said: "I hope you get cancer and I hope you enjoy that! "
    Me: " I will certainly enjoy my happy life as a smoker a helluva lot more than you'll be enjoying your life as a rude, obnoxious, and miserable PRICK !"
    I thought I showed great restraint...

  2. Wow, really? Some people are so entitled. It's one of the things I notice a lot in my job. So many folks just don't understand that they could get infinitely more cooperation from others if they were polite and respectful.
    He's probably one of those guys who constantly complains to anyone who will listen about how badly he gets treated everywhere he goes. He will never make the connection between his behaviour and the way others respond to him.

    I would have found a baby, and then punched it's cute little face!